Internal monologue of Me

Aug 22

parzival221:

shak1ra:

redevoted:

bowserfucker:

oknope:

imagine reading a book of all the lies you’ve told 

IDK what kind of lives you all are leading, but this sounds like the boringest shit. “Yes I sent that email.” “Yeah, I like your outfit.” “I was sick.” “My mom said no” “No I wasn’t crying.” “Yes I read the Terms of Service”

what about a book of all the lies people have told you

Oh how the tables have tabled

Tables have tabled

Aug 22
Aug 22

the timid european ground squirrel, stopping to smell the daisies, photographed in vienna by julian rad, who explains, “you have to be at eye level with the squirrels. that means you have to lay on your stomach for quite a few hours in order to get them in front of your lens. you have to make yourself invisible. it is important that they have no indication you are there.” (see also: more precious lil woodland buddies)

Aug 22

the timid european ground squirrel, stopping to smell the daisies, photographed in vienna by julian rad, who explains, “you have to be at eye level with the squirrels. that means you have to lay on your stomach for quite a few hours in order to get them in front of your lens. you have to make yourself invisible. it is important that they have no indication you are there.” (see also: more precious lil woodland buddies)

Aug 22

catsbeaversandducks:

"Just get in the car, Alice. I’ll explain on the way."

Aug 22
catsbeaversandducks:

"Just get in the car, Alice. I’ll explain on the way."

catsbeaversandducks:

"Just get in the car, Alice. I’ll explain on the way."

Aug 22

opulentes:

So, I just wanted to make this for anyone that needed it, I’ll be updating it as needed. I think EVERYONE needs to know this stuff and I hope this ensures you need NEVER google something awkward again. I spent like 4 hours on this, so share, PLEASE. 

ABUSE AND RAPE

BASICS

LGBTQ SEX POSITIONS

LOSING IT

MASTURBATION

MUSIC

POSITIONS

PREGNANCY 

SAFE SEX

Aug 22
opulentes:

So, I just wanted to make this for anyone that needed it, I’ll be updating it as needed. I think EVERYONE needs to know this stuff and I hope this ensures you need NEVER google something awkward again. I spent like 4 hours on this, so share, PLEASE. 
ABUSE AND RAPE
What to do if you’ve been raped
How to tell your parents you’ve been raped
Setting sexual boundaries
How to report rape to the police
Domestic Violence Hotline:800.621.HOPE (4673)
Crime Victims Hotline:866.689.HELP (4357)
Rape & Sexual Assault Hotline:212.227.3000
TDD phone number for all hotlines:866.604.5350
BDSM VS. Abuse
BASICS
All about The Clitoris
Using Lube
LGBTQ SEX POSITIONS
12 Gay Sex Positions 
Lesbian Kama Sutra: 100 Sex Positions For Women
Lesbian Oral Sex 101
LOSING IT
So you wanna lose your virginity?
What is virginity?
Does losing your virginity hurt?
MASTURBATION
How to choose a sex toy
How to clean a vibrator
How to masturbate (Female)
How to masturbate (Male)
Pornhub
Everything you need to know about masturbation
MUSIC
XMUSIC
12 Hottest Songs to Have Sex To
The Ultimate Sexy Songs Playlist
POSITIONS
How to have sex
How to have anal sex
How to 69
How to give a blowjob
How to give a hand job
How to perform cunnilingus 
List of ALL THE SEX POSITIONS
Best oral sex positions
How to Deep Throat
Role Playing 101
PREGNANCY 
So you’re pregnant… now what?
Signs you may be pregnant
What is a morning after pill?
How to get an abortion
So you wanna get an abortion?
How to tell your parents you’re pregnant
Stages of pregnancy
How to take a pregnancy test
How to know if you’ve had a miscarriage
What to do if you’ve had a miscarriage
Are you ready to have a baby?
SAFE SEX
How to use a condom
Types of condoms and their uses
Comparing effectiveness of birth control methods
What is a birth control pill?
What is a birth control shot?
Does birth control ruin my chance of conceiving in the future?
What kind of birth control is good for you?
So you wanna get your tubes tied?
So you wanna get a vasectomy?
What the hell is a female condom?
How to get free birth control
How to have the safest sex possible
How to do “The Check”
What is HIV?
What is Herpes?
What is Chlamydia?
What are Genital Warts?
What is Gonorrhea?
What is Syphilis?
What are Crabs?
Guide to safe Anal Sex
How to use dental dams

opulentes:

So, I just wanted to make this for anyone that needed it, I’ll be updating it as needed. I think EVERYONE needs to know this stuff and I hope this ensures you need NEVER google something awkward again. I spent like 4 hours on this, so share, PLEASE. 

ABUSE AND RAPE

BASICS

LGBTQ SEX POSITIONS

LOSING IT

MASTURBATION

MUSIC

POSITIONS

PREGNANCY 

SAFE SEX

Aug 22

jen-kollic:

thejollity:

jen-kollic:

hobopoppins:

manaphy:

wow I didn’t know fuckin chocolate eggs were gendered

OKAY LET ME TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT THE FUCKING PINK EGGS.

I work at a concession stand in an ice rink. We sell a bunch of chocolate bars and snacks and shit including Kinder Surprise eggs.

So one day this woman comes up to the counter with her two little kids, a girl who’s probably about 6 or 7 and a little boy, maybe 3 or 4. The mom asks what they want, the little girl points at the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if she wanted the white or the pink egg. She said pink. The little boy pointed to the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if he wanted the white or the pink egg. He said pink. HOLY SHIT IT WAS LIKE I OPENED THE GATES OF HELL. The mom absolutely FLIPPED and was like “YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE PINK EGG IT’S ONLY FOR GIRLS. YOU CAN GET THE WHITE ONE OR NOTHING AT ALL”. The little boy looked at his mom and said “But I want the same as ______ (whatever the sister’s name was)”. The mom completely ignored him and turned to me and gave me a death glare. “He can have the white egg.”

I had to give a little boy a white egg when he wanted the pink so that he could be the same as his big sister and he started crying. The mom just reiterated that the pink egg was for girls and told him that boys don’t cry.

And this is why we shouldn’t gender fucking chocolate eggs.

This is actually a relatively new thing, originally Kinder Eggs were all white like the ones on the left. I don’t know at what point they decided to make ‘girl’s’ Kinder Eggs, but I do not like it.

Holy shit do not even get me started on how moms constantly police their sons’ masculinity. I’ve seen mothers do it WAY more often than fathers.

I used to work at a bakery that specialized in creating custom cakes. We had this feature where we could print out any image off the computer and put it on a cake (with rice paper). One day this lady comes in and asks for an image we had of the baby Sesame Street characters. They’re all together with cake and confetti, and she asks, “Oh, well since it’s a boy, can you please change all of the little pink confettis into blue confetti? I mean, he’s a boy, you know.”

Confetti.

The fucking confetti.

It barely covered 5% of the image.

Another instance was when a lady asked me for an image of four superheroes to put on her son’s cake because her son was turning four. She admitted to not knowing any superheroes, so I offered the most obvious choice—The Fantastic Four. I pulled up a picture of them and she goes, “Oh no no, we can’t have that. Let’s do another one.” Confused, I pulled up a Justice League one with Batman, Superman, The Flash, and Wonder Woman. Again, she said no. I asked her if she needed anything specific (she didn’t know superheroes, why was she so picky?), and she just said, “Oh, it’s just that he’s a boy, you know? We can’t have a girl superhero on his cake.”

I nearly lost my shit. I did temporarily lose my customer service face and ask why, women have been superheroes all the time, Wonder Woman is iconic, etc etc and she was like, “It’s just that my son has been playing with Barbie dolls lately and I really don’t want him to end up… well, you know.”

This shit has got to stop. When you teach boys that certain things are only for girls, you’re limiting them and you’re teaching them that girls or “girly things” are bad. If you want gender equality as an adult, you better make DAMN sure that you’re teaching the same thing to your kids.

So this woman did not want her son to turn out ‘you know’ and her plan for that was to get him a cake with spandex-clad manly men AND ONLY MEN on it? I don’t think she thought that one through too well…

Aug 22
jen-kollic:


thejollity:

jen-kollic:

hobopoppins:

manaphy:

wow I didn’t know fuckin chocolate eggs were gendered

OKAY LET ME TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT THE FUCKING PINK EGGS.
I work at a concession stand in an ice rink. We sell a bunch of chocolate bars and snacks and shit including Kinder Surprise eggs.
So one day this woman comes up to the counter with her two little kids, a girl who’s probably about 6 or 7 and a little boy, maybe 3 or 4. The mom asks what they want, the little girl points at the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if she wanted the white or the pink egg. She said pink. The little boy pointed to the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if he wanted the white or the pink egg. He said pink. HOLY SHIT IT WAS LIKE I OPENED THE GATES OF HELL. The mom absolutely FLIPPED and was like “YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE PINK EGG IT’S ONLY FOR GIRLS. YOU CAN GET THE WHITE ONE OR NOTHING AT ALL”. The little boy looked at his mom and said “But I want the same as ______ (whatever the sister’s name was)”. The mom completely ignored him and turned to me and gave me a death glare. “He can have the white egg.”
I had to give a little boy a white egg when he wanted the pink so that he could be the same as his big sister and he started crying. The mom just reiterated that the pink egg was for girls and told him that boys don’t cry.
And this is why we shouldn’t gender fucking chocolate eggs.

This is actually a relatively new thing, originally Kinder Eggs were all white like the ones on the left. I don’t know at what point they decided to make ‘girl’s’ Kinder Eggs, but I do not like it.

Holy shit do not even get me started on how moms constantly police their sons’ masculinity. I’ve seen mothers do it WAY more often than fathers.
I used to work at a bakery that specialized in creating custom cakes. We had this feature where we could print out any image off the computer and put it on a cake (with rice paper). One day this lady comes in and asks for an image we had of the baby Sesame Street characters. They’re all together with cake and confetti, and she asks, “Oh, well since it’s a boy, can you please change all of the little pink confettis into blue confetti? I mean, he’s a boy, you know.”
Confetti.
The fucking confetti.
It barely covered 5% of the image.
Another instance was when a lady asked me for an image of four superheroes to put on her son’s cake because her son was turning four. She admitted to not knowing any superheroes, so I offered the most obvious choice—The Fantastic Four. I pulled up a picture of them and she goes, “Oh no no, we can’t have that. Let’s do another one.” Confused, I pulled up a Justice League one with Batman, Superman, The Flash, and Wonder Woman. Again, she said no. I asked her if she needed anything specific (she didn’t know superheroes, why was she so picky?), and she just said, “Oh, it’s just that he’s a boy, you know? We can’t have a girl superhero on his cake.”
I nearly lost my shit. I did temporarily lose my customer service face and ask why, women have been superheroes all the time, Wonder Woman is iconic, etc etc and she was like, “It’s just that my son has been playing with Barbie dolls lately and I really don’t want him to end up… well, you know.”
This shit has got to stop. When you teach boys that certain things are only for girls, you’re limiting them and you’re teaching them that girls or “girly things” are bad. If you want gender equality as an adult, you better make DAMN sure that you’re teaching the same thing to your kids.

So this woman did not want her son to turn out ‘you know’ and her plan for that was to get him a cake with spandex-clad manly men AND ONLY MEN on it? I don’t think she thought that one through too well…

jen-kollic:

thejollity:

jen-kollic:

hobopoppins:

manaphy:

wow I didn’t know fuckin chocolate eggs were gendered

OKAY LET ME TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT THE FUCKING PINK EGGS.

I work at a concession stand in an ice rink. We sell a bunch of chocolate bars and snacks and shit including Kinder Surprise eggs.

So one day this woman comes up to the counter with her two little kids, a girl who’s probably about 6 or 7 and a little boy, maybe 3 or 4. The mom asks what they want, the little girl points at the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if she wanted the white or the pink egg. She said pink. The little boy pointed to the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if he wanted the white or the pink egg. He said pink. HOLY SHIT IT WAS LIKE I OPENED THE GATES OF HELL. The mom absolutely FLIPPED and was like “YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE PINK EGG IT’S ONLY FOR GIRLS. YOU CAN GET THE WHITE ONE OR NOTHING AT ALL”. The little boy looked at his mom and said “But I want the same as ______ (whatever the sister’s name was)”. The mom completely ignored him and turned to me and gave me a death glare. “He can have the white egg.”

I had to give a little boy a white egg when he wanted the pink so that he could be the same as his big sister and he started crying. The mom just reiterated that the pink egg was for girls and told him that boys don’t cry.

And this is why we shouldn’t gender fucking chocolate eggs.

This is actually a relatively new thing, originally Kinder Eggs were all white like the ones on the left. I don’t know at what point they decided to make ‘girl’s’ Kinder Eggs, but I do not like it.

Holy shit do not even get me started on how moms constantly police their sons’ masculinity. I’ve seen mothers do it WAY more often than fathers.

I used to work at a bakery that specialized in creating custom cakes. We had this feature where we could print out any image off the computer and put it on a cake (with rice paper). One day this lady comes in and asks for an image we had of the baby Sesame Street characters. They’re all together with cake and confetti, and she asks, “Oh, well since it’s a boy, can you please change all of the little pink confettis into blue confetti? I mean, he’s a boy, you know.”

Confetti.

The fucking confetti.

It barely covered 5% of the image.

Another instance was when a lady asked me for an image of four superheroes to put on her son’s cake because her son was turning four. She admitted to not knowing any superheroes, so I offered the most obvious choice—The Fantastic Four. I pulled up a picture of them and she goes, “Oh no no, we can’t have that. Let’s do another one.” Confused, I pulled up a Justice League one with Batman, Superman, The Flash, and Wonder Woman. Again, she said no. I asked her if she needed anything specific (she didn’t know superheroes, why was she so picky?), and she just said, “Oh, it’s just that he’s a boy, you know? We can’t have a girl superhero on his cake.”

I nearly lost my shit. I did temporarily lose my customer service face and ask why, women have been superheroes all the time, Wonder Woman is iconic, etc etc and she was like, “It’s just that my son has been playing with Barbie dolls lately and I really don’t want him to end up… well, you know.”

This shit has got to stop. When you teach boys that certain things are only for girls, you’re limiting them and you’re teaching them that girls or “girly things” are bad. If you want gender equality as an adult, you better make DAMN sure that you’re teaching the same thing to your kids.

So this woman did not want her son to turn out ‘you know’ and her plan for that was to get him a cake with spandex-clad manly men AND ONLY MEN on it? I don’t think she thought that one through too well…

Aug 22

bendydicks:

I am very serious about everything and I am holding puppies

Aug 22

bendydicks:

I am very serious about everything and I am holding puppies

Aug 22

foie:

thecutestofthecute:

My friend saw on Animal Planet that Golden Retriever’s mouths are so soft they can carry eggs without breaking them, so she tested it. 

I am tearing up

Aug 22
foie:

thecutestofthecute:

My friend saw on Animal Planet that Golden Retriever’s mouths are so soft they can carry eggs without breaking them, so she tested it. 

I am tearing up

foie:

thecutestofthecute:

My friend saw on Animal Planet that Golden Retriever’s mouths are so soft they can carry eggs without breaking them, so she tested it. 

I am tearing up

Aug 21
Aug 21
  • girl/boy: *diagnosed with anorexia*
  • everyone: kids in 3rd world countries would give anything for that food, and you refuse it!
  • girl/boy: *diagnosed as bulimic*
  • everyone: cancer patients with give anything to be able to keep their food in, and you choose to throw it up!
  • girl/boy: *diagnosed as a binge eater*
  • everyone: chill your fat ass out, some kids eat once a day!
  • girl/boy: *suicidal*
  • everyone: people die every day, you should be grateful for your life!
  • girl/boy: *self harms*
  • everyone: lots of people have it worse than you, be grateful about how good you have it!
  • girl/boy: *has anxiety*
  • everyone: stop freaking out over everything, it's not that big of a deal!
  • girl/boy:
  • girl/boy: yep that fixed everything thanks
Aug 21

wes-eskimo:

literally what’s happening in Ferguson

Aug 21

wes-eskimo:

literally what’s happening in Ferguson

Aug 21

taylorpotato:

thaxted:

Me reading terrible fanfiction.

Me writing terrible fanfiction.

Aug 21
taylorpotato:

thaxted:

Me reading terrible fanfiction.

Me writing terrible fanfiction.

taylorpotato:

thaxted:

Me reading terrible fanfiction.

Me writing terrible fanfiction.